incorrigibly me

2009-07-01T07:00:00.000-07:00

BLOG REVIVED. HAH.
another marvin blogskin.
pathetically still relying on basecodes.
just wanted an excuse to try out new brushes.
they are very cool.
it's been a loooong time hasn't it.
in honour of paranoid/maniacally depressed/genius robots,
i have some cheerful little quotes.
"All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed."-Sean Casey
"A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I.
I believe everything positively stinks."- Lou Col
"Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong."-Oscar Wilde
and of course,
"Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it."-Marvin the Paranoid Android

2009-01-16T07:14:00.000-08:00

my life is not a story.
but sometimes i wish it was.
stories are meant to be read, you want to read them. after all, it is their purpose.
no one would want to read my life. it's too normal.
& the thirst, the ambition to be recognized becomes stronger.
wanting to DO something. wanting to live on after death. that is my ultimate goal.
but by the looks of it, it looks nigh impossible.
we all can have dreams, ideals. how many of these are actually fufilled is another thing altogether.
everyone wants to be known, and some just get lucky.
the other few million or so live completely normal lives, good lives but also boring lives.
the chances are literally one in a million.
but hey, it's worth a shot.

2009-01-06T00:34:00.000-08:00

here is a fact about me:
i don't often think much about what i do.
here is another fact about me:
when i do, it haunts my conscience like forever and ever.
joy.
sarah may think she came across as some mumbly weirdo shy person.
but at least you can relate to/sympathise with/ actually like someone who is like that.
besides, she isn't alwaaaays like that.
i wish i didn't come across as some ego bigheaded proud cretin.
or words to that effect.and yes, i called myself a cretin.
i think i heard some people gasp when i said that if you only describe me as cute you dont know me all that well. yippee.not.
and the worst thing is, none of that was lies.
i was completely honest about everything. i used to ask myself, why does everyone think i'm so thick skinned? the answer is, they're more sensitive than me. so smart, eh? not.
and i guess people take it harder than i would, more seriously plus they think about it more. not that i have a problem with that, it's just that i can barely remember to be softer and more sensitive about it.
see, i actually said that to show others that no i am not fake.
you can lie, you can tell the truth.
both ways the same people hate your guts.
it's quite pointless that way.
and another thing, it always ALWAYS comes out the wrong way and does not occur to me.
until later.
at math class when mr koh asked us to introduce ourselves i said i was better at words than numbers.
no i don't think that i'm brilliant with words.
in fact that didnt occur to me.
i meant i was really really bad with numbers.
then later i was like doi fayth, that was really stupid. i think i came across like some self absorbed egomaniac. in my own class. whee that's on my to do list! not.
i could ask me to jump off a cliff now.
i am going to check if purple duct tape exists.
if it does i shall stick a piece on my mouth and shut up because that's what everyone seems happy with. peace, harmony and all that.
p.s if you are wondering, why purple? it's because i figure that if i have to forgo talking via duct tape it may as well be with a colour i like.

2008-12-24T06:50:00.000-08:00

i simply love ghost stories. good ones that is. oh if you're wondering where to find good ones i recommend uncle montague's tales of terror and tales of the black ship by chris priestley. a bit on the stereotypical side but a seriously good read. much better than mr midnight anyway. that one is either incredibly predictable OR very unpredictable because it's so unbelievable. it's always the same hokey. sighh. it didn't start off bad, but i wonder how the heem it outsold harry potter.
i'm in a writing sort of mood so i think i will randomly write a short story. a monologue actually.
-------------
ssh.
no one actually knows i'm here.
*giggle*
they'll take ages to find me.
at least i have you for company. you're a great friend.
funny place i'm in, huh?
it's all white and everyone's dressed in white too!
thing is, i think those people in white, they're really nice but when i try to introduce you they'll say that's very nice dear and walk away.
it's like they think you don't exist.
how weird.
and that's not the only weird thing.
see the room?
it's white too.
and it's all soft, like pillows. i can go boing boing boing without getting hurt!
see?
boing!
*giggles*
why don't you try it? whatever i do, you'll do! you talk to me whenever i want, and you will always always ALWAYS be there for me!
you're my best friend.
promise me you'll stay forever, even if forever is in this soft room with the white clothes people!
we'll have so much fun together.
so much fun.

twi-hype

2008-12-23T06:00:00.000-08:00

i have to quit worrying so much. tis stupid.mehmehmeh. image conscienceness is just a burden.
here's why:
1)as if you needed another thing to worry about.
2)if you let your image fall into disrepair, you reputation and no. of friends follows as such.
3)when you want to be yourself, sometimes you tell yourself no.

and the thing about image conscienceness is that if you mess up one teeny weeny little time, people are going to judge you. like this, *snap* oh she's so rude. and then it's fixed. forever and ever.even if you wanted to change, you can't cause you've gone and written them off! tsk tsk! course, there are always people whom you give manymany chances but they never change. but let's not fiddle with the minority.
Being aware of your image, i think, comes with age. when you were young, i don't think you would've thought twice about painting your face with finger paints. now, there's always a what if. what if it makes me look weird? what if my friends think i'm crazy?
yaddayaddayadda.
and the list goes on.
i really wish people would be a little less judgemental and wait and see for awhile. i'm not saying we should be best friends with everyone, that would be impossible. just give them one more chance if they mess up, cause everyone messes up. just like it's impossible for everyone to like you, it's impossible to be perfect.
people are never one dimensional; there's always another side of them.

2008-12-14T08:08:00.001-08:00

i have a new favourite song! it's the one on the blog. i made the skin just for the song.
i think it's a really really sweet, sad song.
i shall post the lyrics here

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven
I'll find my way, through night and day
Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven

Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knee
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please

Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure.
And I know there'll be no more...
Tears in heaven

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven
-----------------------------
i know joan asked me to do a christmas skin, but oh welll....
i'm sorry if the incredibly high notes in this version of the song are making your eardrums implode. just put up with my song choice, please? or mute your computer.

2008-12-04T00:41:00.000-08:00

doo-bee-doo
tum teh tum
i got my braces.
admittedly not the most pleasant thing, and eating is just hard.
i'm currently trying to find a metal detector to set off, just for fun. i hope'll work because it'd be just funny. anyhoo i have been asked repeatedly to revive the blog. and so i shall. i've been working on a story which i actually have not deleted instantly. so it's ok and you won't die of cardiac arrest if you read it or anything. i think'll put the first part right here.

Changeling
prologue
The alchemist looked down at his newest creation. He had worked day and night to achieve such perfection. The endless toil had taken its toll on him; he could feel his breath escaping him in wheezy gasps. He knew only too well that this invention could be his last. Yet, if he succeeded…he would be immortal. His name would live on as the greatest of creators, a legend to all future generations. The honour, the fame, the glory….his eyes refocused as he determinedly got back to work. No, this time he would not fail. Through shaky breaths, he swore to himself that the honour would be worth any price he had to pay. Even if it was his life.
“Ah, such beauty.” He stroked the hair of his creation. It was so beautiful; it hardly deserved to be continuously injected with alchemical solutions. In its vegetative state, these solutions were the only thing keeping it alive. He wanted to find a way, a way to keep it alive. Passing electrical currents through it, like that human novel Frankenstein merely let its eyes open momentarily. Besides, his creation was not some creature crudely assembled out of stolen body parts, it was a true work of art. He decided he could not rely on science alone to rouse it. After all, alchemy was part magic as well.
The next day he searched desperately, feverishly through the depths of his own mind. There had to be some spell, some incantation, something that would sustain it. A thought slipped into his mind, but it was so horrendous he recoiled in shock. It was disgusting, immoral and completely inhuman! Yet, he knew if he were to finish it…it truly was the only way. Surely, he coaxed himself; the repercussions would not be so bad that they could not be controlled. “The only way” he muttered to himself, sad grey-green eyes looking skyward. “A soul for a heartbeat. A soul for a heartbeat.”
In the course of a few weeks, the alchemist had grown older. The little hair on his head looked as if it had been bleached white and his entire face was a mask of wrinkles. But the eyes were burning, burning brightly with an almost rabid determination that could scorch anything in his path. “It’s nearly…complete” he said to himself, in a voice was nothing more than a scratchy gasp. “My creation will live and that is the only thing that matters to me now.” He knew he was weakening by the moment, but it seemed the fire in his eyes would refuse to die until it was complete. The extraction was nearly finished; in return his creation would finally wake. That was when the noise started.
It started as a dull thud on the door but was progressively growing louder. The alchemist knew that, somehow, word of his “experiment” had got out. They were here, and he knew he had precious little time to complete the process. His hands deftly grabbed his notes and threw them into the fire. He did not want others to learn of how he created it, so as to be able to use it for their own purposes. He saw the thing breathe out a cloud of wispy blue smoke and he knew it was done. It was finally alive. The alchemist smiled for the last time in his life as the door splintered open and the cries of outrage became audible. The last thing his flickering consciousness grasped was the beautiful vision of his creation waking, like a dreamer from a deep sleep.
----------------------
obviously i didnt have anything to post, so i took the easy way out.
feel free to give constructive criticism, comments etc.
=p

2008-11-22T21:50:00.000-08:00

the death penalty.
what are some words that you'd use to describe it?
evil, cruel, barbaric etc.
but think of what you would want to do to a person that murdered someone dear to you.
when somebody murders another, they do more than take away a life.
they rob parents of a son.
they rob friends of a confidante.
they rob siblings of a brother or sister.
ok, maybe in some cases, the murderer regrets it and is sorry.
but honestly, will all the guilt and remorse in the world bring that person back to life?
NO. As we all know, once people are dead, THEY STAY DEAD.
forever.and ever and ever.

let's say if someone murdered my sister, even if they are sooooo sorry they did it and they grovel at my feet, would i forgive them?
truth is, i would want them to rot in hell.
it may sound harsh, and incredibly vindictive, but it's the truth. if they're gonna have the guts to kill her, they should have to guts to face up the consequences.
even if it is death.

yes, humans are very imperfect.
and that is the reason, that when someone has killed another, it is almost impossible to look at the "whole person". it's that bad. if someone smothers a kid to death, will ANYONE take in consideration that he volunteers at the old folks home?
here is a real life example.
a very powerful and influential military man cared about animals a lot.
he did not allow the testing of medicines on animals, and he did not go hunting.
he made his soldiers wear bells so that little animals would be warned of their presence, and not get stepped on.
the same man was the one who captured, killed, tortured or/and gassed thousands and thousands of jews. he let doctors test new(and unstable) drugs and medicines on them as well.
yes, it was adolf hitler.
sometimes, the twisted side of people overrules the good side.

yes, there should be second chances for every normal person.
keyword being normal.
mass murderers, psychopaths, sociopaths etc.
could you really consider them "normal"?
a person that puts a toddler in the dryer and spins it at high heat.
a person that battered a baby until its spine was broken and cot splattered with blood.
are they normal?
and, these are real cases(and quite recent)
they're going to jail for life too.
to flip the question, how is THEIR life more valuable than that of their victims.
you tell me.

you think criticising these people will help? that they'll find the err of their ways?
i don't think so. al capone thought he was a "misunderstood public benefactor".

sarah's post deals with the normal person.
mine deals with the psychopaths.
so technically these are kinda separate arguments, it's not really about the death penalty per se, it's more about whether person in question deserves it.
but still, face the music, because if you were a normal person, you would have a conscience that warned you beforehand.

2008-11-16T07:34:00.000-08:00

i really have to agree with what sarah says about fitting into stereotypes. furthermore, i would like to point out that it does not just apply to the individual. i think that i've had my fair share of
"individual stereotyping"
an example i come across all the time:
short=cute
fayth=short
therefore,
fayth=cute
you won't believe how sick i am of people using solely my height to determine that i am adorable.
AND I'M GONNA GROW UP AND TAKE OVER THE WORLD, BY THE WAY. ISN'T THAT CUTE HUH???
ahem
soooo,
as i was saying, sometimes i don't know if i get sugarrushed because i took sugar, or if i'm simply trying to fit in.with myself.
that doesn't make much sense.
ok, let's say that i'm cookie dough, and the stereotype is the cookie cutter.
when the cookie cutter is set, the dough can't come out of it.
i hope you get what i'm trying to say.

as i mentioned earlier, cookie cutter stereotyping happens all over. i mean in books like the princess diaries etc. there is always a hierachy of the cliques. also, the most popular girl in school is always, always bitchy . the protagonist is always the downtrodden underdog who always gets picked on by aforementioned popular girl.
we see these stories being retold in slightly different forms in real life, with kids complaining about how they are picked on by the popular people in school, popular-people-get-what-they-want-and-not-what-they-deserve. and how this clique is nerds and the other is cool.etcetera.

i wonder, is the pop culture getting to everyone so much so that they have to unwittingly "conform" to this cookie cutter stereotypes? do "cliques" and "popular" exist only because we subconsciously want/need them to? basically, is the book in question reflecting what the state of popularity is like or is society conforming to what it THINKS is the norm?(but actually a rather exaggerated, over dramatized version of reality.gosh that's scary)

ok, either our modern society as we know it is majorly glitched OR it's all in our minds. firstly, it is true that people of similar interests do come together(cliques), but to say that these groups are either inferior or superior to one another is pretty weird. it's like saying football is better than photography.with no justification or basis.hmm.

secondly, the popular people of teen novels are always mean. however, in real life, shouldn't the nice people be the popular ones? who wants to be friends with someone who is rude and constantly rolls their eyes? honestly. yes, there are the leeches, the fake friends who cling on. however 1) there only can be so many and 2) they cling on to get popular.so
if mean people=unpopular, why would they want to cling?
if i may point out an example:
earlier on i met a girl that fit our stereotype of the popular girl. however, she was not well received. so, technically, it's not true that mean people will be popular.
yet we cannot deny there are mean people who ARE popular, whether they be exception or not.

my conclusion from all of this is that whether it be solely in our minds or if the stereotypical society is indeed true, the world is very messed up indeed.
haizz.

2008-11-11T06:39:00.000-08:00

i've been photoshopping around and making my own stuff with photoshop.
but not photo manipulation. i dont like that. just doing my own pictures.
dont have to worry about copyright and blahblahblah.
hehe.
i'll just post my pictures.
this one was my first attempt. it's basically a bunch of text so it isnt that great.

my third attempt. i quite like this one, the words are lyrics from the rainbow connection. it's actually from the muppets movie. but it's a nice song.

fifth attempt.for we the king's skyway avenue. the heart is random i know but nevermind. once i can i'll do one for check yes juliet. this turned waaaay different than i intended though.

i favour the lineart style and the font courier new. i dunno why, i just like it. anyway yeah, i'm not brilliant or anything, i just found a new hobby.
huzzah huzzah hurray and all that.

2008-11-06T01:14:00.000-08:00

we were cleaning the black box on tuesday. me and sarah were cleaning the mirrors even though they were only a little smudgy. unfortunately, due to the wrong use of cleaner,
THERE WAS A HUGE SMUDGY.
aaaaaaahhh therevengeofthesmudgies!!!
yknow how the greek hell tartarus has people doing impossible, repetitive tasks.
like trying to fill a well with leaky jars that would be empty by the time they reached the well.
sarah, bernice and i were trying to scrub away an oily smudgy that would come back after the water dried up.
someone should really tell those guys at tartarus that we've found a new punishment.

we tried to get ryan, sam and romit to help.
keyword: tried.
sam and romit were bickering like 6 year olds.
and ryan was playing ninja with his towel
ok, atleast ryan DID help.
but then he went back to towel-ninjaing.
and "releasing his inner brett" or something like that. don't ask, i don't have a clue.
in the end, me and sarah threw our wet soapy towels at his face.
*SPLUCH*
ah the beautiful sound of success.
p.s the oily smudgy went awayish, but the mirror was smudgier than before.

2008-11-01T18:13:00.000-07:00

i'm annoyed.
that people are leaving sota.
at the prospect that it might happen again next year.
at the fact some people seem to be completely insensitive to it all.
au contraire, they seem even happier than usual.
what bonehead mentality is thaaaat.
and now i just found out that one more person is leaving.
i cant believe i won't see her anymore. D=
i think i annoyed other people too, but with good reason.
give c and v and everyone else a break, okay?
they were upset that you were prancing around tactlessly while others were(incl them)crying their guts out.
i don't care if you blubbed later.
they couldn't see you at the "later" bit.
therefore you appeared completely insensitive, n'est ce pas?
hope that clears that up.
ugh.
i just realised: this is YEAR ONE.
if some people have already left, there's a chance it might happen again.
i don't know how many more i can take.
people coming into your school, your class, your life.
and then they have to go right back out.
five more years. five more years.
that's a long time, long enough for more to go.
as sarah's PM goes

bye.Bye.byebye.bye.goodbye..goodluck.bye.Bye. No, please just stay.

please just stay.
i always did hate goodbyes.

2008-10-26T08:06:00.000-07:00

i'm thirteen.
yay.
i guess i can't stay a kid forever.
GOSH that's depressing.
i realise just how much i've grown.
stuff in the playground that used to look huge now are like one and a half times my height.
aah it's sad.
i can't dress up funny without being laughed at.
i can't eat up my favourite food without people thinking i'm greedy.
i can't do anything without being judged.
no one in kindergarten commented on clothes, accessories or anything, for that matter.
it was a time where you could truly like a person for who they were.
now we always have to worry about committing some huge social gaffe.
it's so hard not to be self conscious when you can already taste the embarrassment coming if you mess up.
it's easy to say that you don't care what others think but to do that now is nearly impossible.
unless you are a certain JoAn.
JoAn i admire your SO WHAT attitude.
darn useful, that is.
anyway, as time goes on, i can only grow older.
it's time to grow up now.
it's time to grow up.

2008-10-13T00:49:00.000-07:00

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'

yknow this has never made more sense.
crying will not help. neither will complaining.
i will not give up and die. i will stop having doubts about myself.
like it'll help. okay, i have to go kick myself now.*looks ashamed*
i don't do stuff that i figure won't have any benefit.
complaining, or in this case, obssessing, won't do anything for me.ANYTHING.
therefore, i shall not do it.
i will stop being insecure as well.
i did no wrong, so there is no reason to be.
xD.
they always did say happiness was the best revenge.
i aint gonna bother giving you the cold shoulder.
i am going to go on with my life.
happily.

Because i'm free.
Nothing's worrying me.

2008-10-11T22:19:00.000-07:00

alright,
hopefully this is the last post that i will have to write about this whole idiotic delusion.
the solution is easy.
____, you can ignore me and stay out of my life.
and i'll stay out of yours.
understooded?
good.
i will not attempt to be mean or bitchy.
it is a waste of my time and energy.
do NOT i repeat DO NOT try to be mean to me.
i am going to make the effort to reign in my temper and hold back all the stuff i want to say.
so you damn well make the effort too.
this means no "i hear mice squeaking" and so on so forth.

i do not really care about "reconcilation".
i think it is obvious that justification of my actions and trying to reason things out with you is pretty useless.
so here's the baseline:
STAY OUTTA MY LIFE AND I'LL STAY OUTTA YOURS
ok?
ok.
p.s sarah has kindly explained at least part of my actions. go read her blog. she has objectively summarised why i had to do this.

2008-10-10T18:42:00.000-07:00

heya.
must thank YOU for one thing.
this episode brought out friends that helped me.
friends that i know i can trust.
i'm in a muuuuch better mood now.
sarah frances, thank you for defending me in your own intelligent way. thank you for being there for me for practically 24/7. thank you for standing up for me.

joan, thank you for your everlasting "so what?" attitude that maks you impervious to insults. thank you for being there to offer your type of rather eccentric advice. thank you for teaching me well, not to care.

madhamster, thank you for defending me oh so spiritedly and almost enthusiastically. thank you for literally being there 24/7. thank you for comforting me and also getting chocolate when i needed it.

viraj, thank you for your witty remarks. thank you for your "it's okay-s" and just for your presence. thank you for making me feel so much better.

2008-10-10T01:13:00.000-07:00

you're bloody insignificant.
you know that?
MY huge ego? my ego looks like a jellybean compared to yours
oh my best friend's all great and fantastic and all?
of course she is.
i wanted her to tell you to get lost loooong ago.
but she was too nice to do it.
dont you dare bloody tell her that i'm a bad influence.
SHE WONT LISTEN!
nahnahnahnahnah

and do you think i CARE that you hate me?
do you know how hilarious it is when you try to be mean?
well here it is:
IT'S DAMN FUNNY!
XD.
if you think that you can get me down with your attempted cold shoulder,
you're wrong.
it's so funny i crack up.
i dont consider you a RIVAL.
you're too sad and pathetic.

you spend an entire entry complaining about me.
and by doing that guess what?
instant enemies!
just add water.

go ahead,call me a weirdo.
i wouldnt want to be normal if YOU'RE normal.
you have no right to judge me.
you don't even KNOW me.
bet you dont know how to spell my full name.
i know yours.
V-O-M-I-T
you spell my name wrongly i spell yours wrongly
;D

hardeeharhar.
just a few days ago you were begging for my ihss notes too.
LOL.
goodbye social stigma
*lame cameras you*

$.$

2008-10-08T22:09:00.000-07:00

okay another one of those think-y posts.

yeah i agree with joan's post,(one about money)
to quote part of her blog post:

oh. i want to be a doctor when i grow up so i can make lots of money. they should go oh, i want to be a doctor when i grow up because i want to save the lives of others.

that makes a lot of sense to me.if you have a bunch of people who want to be doctors for money's sake, i think you'd get a buncha doctors who do the job just because it pays well.
not because they want to help others.
not because they want to rid the world of illness.
not because they want to save lives.
how sad.
there's no will to do the job well.
just that of getting your paycheck.
why does our society sometimes be so...so...money motivated?
i mean, i want to be a writer when i grow up.
but not because i want to be uber-famous and earn millions of dollars.
not because i want people to google my name and so i can get my books made into hollywood movies.
it's because i really love writing. and i want others to know my stories, evoke a reaction. i want them to feel what the character in my book feel, to be able to relate to what they are reading.
i want to introduce the readers to my world. the world as i see it.
i don't want to grow up so i can earn lots and lots of money if it means i will feel nothing for what i'm doing.

2008-10-08T06:24:00.000-07:00

rawr.
get the message already, will you?
i do not like you tailing me around.
in fact, i dont like you full stop.
can't you see that you're so completely deluded, running after me begging?
it's seriously pathetic.
bobble may have been nice so as to not hurt your huge ego, but i wont be as nice.
or forgiving. you were just REALLY lucky with bobble. i'd have skinned you alive already.
i feel like getting out a penknife and putting it to your neck, ganster-style. i'd demand that you'd not be so lame anymore.
whatever i do to you, please know you brought it on yourself by being annoying.
ok?
ok.

P.S to all my friends out there, i'm really sorry you have to see this side of me.
please don't hold it against me ok?=(. i'm just frustrated right now.
thank you

2008-10-07T05:01:00.000-07:00

If We Hold On Together
by Diana Ross

Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith, hope & glory
Hold to the truth in your heart

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

Souls in the wind
Must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end
Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying
Someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

When we are out there in the dark
We'll dream about the sun
In the dark we'll feel the light
Warm our hearts, everyone

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by
For you and I

the theme from the movie Land Before Time.
it's so sweet.
sometimes i cry when i hear it.
If We Hold on Together - Diana Ross

2008-10-02T06:53:00.000-07:00

rapporte des mémoires
doux et douloureux
ils resteront à mon coeur
présentation
animal farm

2008-09-29T05:36:00.000-07:00

sometimes i feel so insignificant.

like really.

teeny weeny.

especially after today's snide little comment from Gummi.

i hate it when people do that. they may as well say it to your face cuz when they say it that way it makes you seem uber stupid. add a sarcastic look and there you've got it: instant mean-ness.

just add water.

i can understand that fine, i may not be saying anything, and that my opinion conflicts with yours, but i seriously doubt that justifies being mean.

i hate it when i feel about an inch high.

as if me and Bobble didn't know you dont exactly like us. bit obvious i think. please accept you cannot be the leader all the time and everyone has the right to speak. learn to step back and take a break already; if not you come off pretty darn like a power hungry little monster.

just know that if you want a personal battle

i will be a reluctant participant

but i will win nonetheless.

it's a mask-querade

2008-09-23T05:41:00.000-07:00

what makes us hide our true selves?
why don't we expose our personality just the way it is?
i guess it's because we're afraid of being vulnerable.
i mean, by exposing yourself, people know what makes you tick. what you're afraid of. just reading this, i feel scared. i wouldn't want people to compile a book titled "101 Ways to Drive Her Mad". if people don't know you, how would they harm you psychologically?
when we did that exercise on sub-personalities in theatre class, it took so much bravery to stand up, volunteer, and expose your inner self.

leading up to the other thing, facades.people create "masks" and live their lives normally. and other's are completely oblivious to the fact they aren't seeing the true person inside. i think people create facades because they want to be accepted. they want to be liked.
not that i could blame them. who wouldn't want friends?
but i can't help thinking that if you have to create a fake self in order to make friends, and they only like and know that fake self,

do you really have any friends?

2008-09-15T04:32:00.000-07:00

i didn't think we'd have to say goodbye so fast.

please know that we'll miss you

and we didn't get the chance to thank you

so thank you for all you've done for us

Weel-mounted on his grey mare, Meg,
A better never lifted leg,
Tam skelpit on thro' dub and mire,
Despising wind, and rain, and fire;
Whiles holding fast his gude blue bonnet,
Whiles crooning o'er some auld Scots sonnet,
Whiles glow'rin round wi' prudent cares,
Lest bogles catch him unawares;
Kirk-Alloway was drawing nigh,
Where ghaists and houlets nightly cry.
-Robert Burns, Tam O' Shanter

2008-08-29T23:27:00.000-07:00

read sarah's latest blog post.
im gonna have to disagree with her.
because dreams to come true.
and just because they may not, doesnt mean you give up hope so fast.
we're still 13 yknow.
no way i'm gonna let my ambitions curl up and die because reality and practicality say so.

remember pandora's box?
the last thing that was let out was hope.
otherwise known as faith.(hardeeharhar no jokes here plsss)(this is why i love my name)
it's the stuff that keeps us going NO MATTER WHAT.
we fight an impossible battle because hope we can win it.
and if you let go of hope so fast,
what do you have left?
nothing much.

sure it's hard to stay here and fufil our ambitions.
some people say it's impossible.
but i say this.
when reality forces me to look it in its face, it'll feel my fist on its nose.
i think all you really need to succeed is
ambition
talent(which you've got, sarah, so it's ok)
and a bit of luck.

dont resign yourself to a dreamless world.
and american people, and singaporean people?
i don't see that much difference.
it's just that shallowness in singapore are more evident cuz we live in singapore.
there will ALWAYS people that don't like to think.
everywhere.
and since YOU do, that gives you an edge, n'est ce-pas?

whatever the case, i'm not gonna surrender and forget MY dreams without a fight.

2008-08-28T05:27:00.000-07:00

blah rugby.
is OVER. Acids made it to the quarter finals. YAY Acids. and X-es. and Condensates.
though we didnt win, i think it was great to see everyone working together as a team and not acting in their own interest . blah i love are6ix. so happy that we're going to go to year 2 as gee6ix.
rugby's over.
here comes vaolliball!

on a more sour note,
a certain someone made me mad.
let's call him bob.
he is so hypocritical. i mean, he told me not to tell a certain secret.
then he announced it to the world
THEN he denied it.
and blamed me for the fact that it spread.
dude, 1ne, it's none of MY business.
2wo, you're pointing the finger at me now???
3hree, do you know who's feelings you're taking into consideration now? noone's. except yours.
4our, you lied. first you said you told noone. then you admitted you told a group of people. yeah, right. you told truckloads of people.
5ive, you were so SURE when you were blaming me. then when i went to get evidence against your unfounded accusations, you mumbled away that you may have misheard.
PLEASE DONT POINT FINGERS.
especially at me. cuz i dont have so much free time go anyhow spread gossip.
YES, i heard the part where you told S that if she hadn't told me, none of this would've happened. uh, the fact that you lied and were so hypocritical caused this to happen. and that was what finally convinced me you WERE blaming me. why would you say that otherwise.

glare and complain about me all you want
cuz i'll just smile in return.

2008-08-17T19:15:00.000-07:00

arts fest is over.

im gonna have to get used to r6 instead of the theatre kids.
did i mention that both rock?
cuz they do.
i noticed a strange trend during our animal farm performances.
if there are more VIPs, somehow the audience reacts less.
and vice versa.
it seems the number of VIPs determine the responsiveness of the audience.
(i know alot of you are now thinking: fayth's finally had it; she's cracked)
but really, this seems to be true.

anyway, i think the arts fest was a success.
i almost forgot i still have an ihss project to do.
gah i will miss arts fest days.
became closer to some of the theatre people. yay!
i might remember the times we had on stage and smile.
but the memories of our random backstage stuff like playing 7-up and truth or truth(hehe) to quell our nervousness, or our words of encouragement and support when on standby, or our last minute group hugs. those will bring tears of happiness to my eyes.

*sigh*

2008-08-12T21:10:00.000-07:00

'"twas the ten minutes before performance, when all through the black box

not a performer was stirring; not even a cough."

ok yeah...you get the picture.

we were nervous.

we were excited.

and it was nearly full house outside.when someone told me that i made a funny "aiyeep" sound and dropped to the floor. heh??? what happened to the 20-strong crowd? FULL HOUSE IS ABOUT 100 PEOPLE. i guess i shoulda realised more people would come.

our first public performance of animal farm.

i know i don't have many individual lines, but the nerves...are...bad.

rewind.

we are in the makeup room, getting our uh, makeup(what else) done. celeste kindly helps me to do my eyes since i have no inkling whatsover how eyeliner works. i note to myself that i should NOT rub my eyes cuz it'd smudge the mascara/eyeliner. like i did earlier. so i went around looking like a panda.o.o mad rush for the makeup. celeste and sarah brought their own, the smart people. anyway, we all managed to get ourselves made up and dressed eventually.

fast-forward.

the play is starting. it has run all the way to the battle of the cowshed. there was this kid in the first row, upon seeing mr jones's toy gun, said something about firing 20 rounds into the animals. uh, kid, firstly this isnt some violent movie thing.secondly, it's plastic.

nothing could prepare us for what came next.

as mr jones "pulled the trigger" kat "dropped dead". this was met by a loud cry of "awesome" from that kid. nah, it wasn't "awesome" it was more like "AWESOMEZZZ". yup that's more like it.

the entire cast was trying not to laugh. man, that kid is annoying but adorable. lol.

gosh i wonder who that kid is. well, he WAS paying attention. =p.

2008-08-10T08:09:00.000-07:00

feeling contemplative.

i read a story where a chicken has been genetically modified to live the life of a vegetable.
and where a pig also has been similarly modified to be able to talk and...WANT to be eaten.

this story is pretty obviously science fiction, but if it was true, would people then be able to eat meat with a clear conscience? i mean, the chicken didn't feel anything, so eating it would be like eating a tomato. and the pig actually WANTED to be eaten.

however, there is the initial sense of nausea and disgust. should we even be messing around with the natural order like that? isn't it morally wrong to do that? aren't there repercussions to this at all?

yet, would it be better to eat an animal that DIDN'T want to be eaten? or an animal that felt pain when going through its last moments?aren't people already messing around with the natural order anyway by just by being human and altering the environment?

anyway, this type of modification doesn't exist today.
so animals, when being slaughtered feel pain AND don't want to be eaten.
therefore i shall become a vegetarian when i grow up.

2008-08-08T07:46:00.000-07:00

dear people,

have you had anyone ever be extra before?

i know most of the time, extras are completely harmless and fine, and can be included eventually.

however, there are extras that actually make that effort to STAY extra. and annoying. here is a true blue example. me, sarah frances and celeste are eating a nice dinner in ourspace. ryan comes in, grabs a chair and sits down at our table.

R: hello ladies(or sth equally ryan-ish)
C: hi extra
we continue conversation and even start to include ryan.
"bob" yup the same guy as before, comes in, grabs a chair and plonks down.
C, SF and F:*shudder*
ryan somehow seems to be unaffected. either that or his face is stuck in one expression. i think the former is somehow alot more likely.
bob starts smiling in this really freaky way.
C moves away.
bob moves chair nearer, C moves further.
bob moves chair nearer to me. i move further.
bob starts saying we're mean.
i start my "dust speck" thing.
krish says sth.
bob responds rather loudish.
it all ended up as one huge mess and chaos. i couldnt even hear myself play the piano. row between bob and other people i think. like i could care.

who knew an extra could cause this.seriously.

2008-08-05T05:29:00.000-07:00

someone should invent a cure for utter pathetic/tactlessness.

seriously.

the world could be way better off with one.

something happened today that mad me really really mad. someone(who will be called bob for now)did something totally tactless.

"bob" comes up to me and sarah frances.

B:hi

F and SF: yeah hi

*random blahblah*there was something here that happened that added to the madness but i shall not mention for privacy's sake.

i accidentally knock over SF's kickapoo.

F: oops!!!

SF:gah...kickapoo on my shirt, kickapoo on my shirt!

F:sorry!!

SF: it's ok...gotta clean this up somehow..

B: you know if someone did that to me i wouldnt forgive them.

F:looks at SF

SF:looks at F

what the heck???

B:and you know some people, if i did that to them, they wouldn't forgive me either. like (edit)sally. she'd just overplay and overreact.

SF & F: ....

B: some people just overplay everything

F and SF: o.0

uh. you do it all the time. yes i dont care if i'm being mean cos you went waaay too far today. seriously. if you're gonna be annoying dont be a crybaby as well. please.

THE WORLD NEEDS A CURE FOR PATHETICISM!

2008-08-01T06:44:00.000-07:00

i finally am starting to learn the guitar. yay! i wanted to spend the entire afternoon practicing but my mum said we were going and i said that i'd stay here. we ended up having a soft toy fight.yep, soft toys gone berserk. my mum won so i went swimming =p

i doubt my guitar playing is anywhere near good, but i'll get it down pat. i mean, piano turned out ok.(i found out music students also make mistakes in playing pieces and they practice real hard to get it all right.i thought that they were good and i was pathetic. now i think that they're good and i'm just passable=p)

we had another welcome to our playground workshop. some of the poems brought up were really cool and i am inspired *floaty look*

on a more random, insignificant note, i perfected my chipmunk face.

2008-07-23T06:17:00.000-07:00

found this little music test thing on nikki's blog =).

steps:

1)put your itunes, windows media player on shuffle.

2)play the songs and press the shufle button after every question

3)you have to write the song name no matter how silly it sounds.

THE(HELLO) ITUNES QUIZZIE

1)if someone says "is this ok?" you say..

imaginary. uhh it sounds like im debunking something

2)how would you describe yourself?

wishes. i sound despo like i keep wanting stuff. =p

3)what do you like in a girl/guy?

i know a place. maybe they know great scenic nice places to go to?

4)how do you feel today

down by the salley gardens. ehh?! another that doesnt make sense.

5)what is your life's purpose?

haunted. now i dont seem despo. i come across as a nervous wreck! and rather emo.

6)What's your motto?

lose control. haha this only applies to my imagination =p

7)What do your friends think of you?

going under. ..uh i reallyreally dont get this one

8)What do you think of your parents?

numb. this isn't trueeee at all lol/

9)What do you think about a lot?

my last breath. definitely emo. and more than a little paranoid

10)what is 2+2?

today. does that mean today's the fourth or something?

11)What do you think of your best friend?

tourniquet. eeee...fitting since a tourniquet is something to stop blood. so my best friend is a lifesaver XD

12)What do you think of the person you like?

see the sun. does that mean it feels like a lovely summer day or something when that person comes round?

13)What is your life story?

in my life. well, if i did an autobio, that could be a title =)

14)What do you want to be when you grow up?

close to you. aww..sweet. now a romantics, despo , nervous emo. hmm.

15)What do you think of when you see someone you like?

the only one. awwww....cute. and hopelessly romantic and soppy. ew.

16)What will they dance to at your wedding?

desperado. hmm..."you better let somebody love you//before it's too late" fitting.

17)What will they play at your funeral?

wide awake. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

18)What is your hobby/interest?

stoned. hmm...i dont know what im interested in?or i like stoning people?

19)What is your biggest fear?

sour times. you can say that again.

20)What is your biggest secret?

everybody's fool. I SURE HOPE NOT!!

21)What do you think of your friends?

your star. it would be cute but your star is an evanescence song(therefore emo)

22)what will you post this as?

hello. no problem there.

2008-07-04T04:02:00.000-07:00

yess after a very long while i am backk. i've been super busy these few daysss..

today i finally tried windsurfing. it's really fun but you really gotta balance. there were manyMANY swells so just when i thought i could stay on the board a swell came and knocked me off. sequence of windsurfing:

1) balance on board and grab that rope thingy

2)balance on the board with the rope

3)slowly pull sail up with rope thingy

4)grab on to bar thing which is attached to sail

5)attempt to windsurf

6)*SPLOOSH*

as you can see i didnt las tvery long. i made it 20m a the furthest. OMGee that's like so farr. Not. but my dad says that given the choppy water and non-existent wind, i did pretty good for a newbie.i sure hope he's right. *spits out seawater*

2008-06-19T22:33:00.000-07:00

10 completely random facts & questions

1. the angel bunny softtoy that i have has wings coming from it's side not

back.how's it gonna fly anyway?

this is my angel bunny.except it's green

2. i seem to like blogskins with weird critters on them. demonstrated here.(apparently domokun is the mascot of a japanese tv station.)

3. domokun has its own fansite

4. i reckon that domokun is one of the cutest creatures besides the totoro.

5. why don't i ever get round to writing full stories?!some of the ideas aren't bad.

6. i spend too much time draing the characters i think.

7.cats sleep 14 hours a day. the unfairness of it all.

8.cats also dont get homework.

9.i cant hum/sing kelly clarkson's go no matter how hard i try.

10.my cat seizes the opportunity to sit on my chair whenever she can.

2008-06-16T03:31:00.000-07:00

the first post coming from my new house. i cant get used to it. it gets really noisy what with the construction of the condo just a walk away and people renovating and that dog on the first floor and its incessant barking. it's been howling and barking for 15 minutes non -stop now. also i miss the view from my old house. there i can see the city skyline. here i see the other people's balcony and abit of the swimming pool. i guess the place isnt without it's merits like the greenery and the pool.

moving cats is not easy... it's not like you can cram them in a carton. they're wiggly and squirmy and they get scared in new environment. sigh..o.well. i think in three days they'll already be wreckin the house,dammit.

2008-06-14T02:26:00.000-07:00

haven't posted in quite a while. have been out for the whole day shopping for furniture or tidying up our new house. cant believe we'll leave here on monday and move in. time fliesssss.way too fast. went to watch the new narnia movie and i absolutely love the ending theme. so sad and so sweet. click here to listen. also went to watch the rhinoceros play that was part of the arts fest. i understooded wayyyy until the last part. then i got the fuzzies. i wonder if all absurdist plays are that....absurd?hehe.

as you can see, new blogskin. the cat's eyes follow you round the room. kidding. o.0.or not

2008-06-05T03:35:00.000-07:00

not much happening except i have gone on a furniture shopping trip with my family today. we're supposed to be moving in this holiday and we have um, the lights. of course after the shopping trip we returned with a whole lot of stuff-the bookshelves...computer tables,desks, tv console(but no tv), bookshelves etc etc. i reckon we'll start packing around tomorrow. that means getting riddddd of alot of stuff. spring cleaning comes early.(?late)

2008-05-30T07:29:00.000-07:00

i realise i have to start, START on my holiday homework. i've been doing bits of it here and there but no real completion of homework. note to self---hurry up. seriously.

anyway, not a very eventful bit of time. just gonna move soon. i like the new place but i will miss this one alot. *cry* so many memories in the years spent here. when you move you leave those memories behind. i think it's like leaving a bit of yourself in the house that you won't ever be able to get back. after telling my sister, she said i sound soft and mushy. it's called sentimentality lahhh. we still disagree on this=).

phew 28/5/08

2008-05-28T05:50:00.001-07:00

it's about time i got my blog up...sigh. blahhhhh.

i would like to know where my file went.

really.

cos it has all my stuff in it.

im gonna have to photocopy off someone. big time. i think i'll have alot of explaining to do when term starts.

OH JOY